I am female and I was sexually assaulted by a female friend when we were 9 years old. I want to share this because I cannot seem to find another story on female on female COCSA and it makes me feel like what happened to me wasn't "bad enough" because it was a girl and it was another child my age. I know that thought isn't true but it has taken me a while to realise what happened was assault and was "bad enough" and I think it would have helped if I had heard stories similar to mine, so I am hoping this could help someone who has been in the sa...
I was six years old and I was friends with this girl who was also six. She was over at my house and we were sitting on the bed. I remember her asking me to play family and that I was the dad and she was the mom. She told me that I had to take all my clothes off because i was the 'dad' and she undressed from below the waist. After I did she just pushed me onto the bed and climbed on top of me. I just remember that she was sort of rubbing against me and I was so uncomfortable and I just wanted her to stop, but I was scared that we wouldn't be fr...
This is a horrible journey for any person to go through. We all will heal on our own time, in our own terms, through our own processes. It is a hard journey to travel through but try to find a community around you that can help you through all of this. People who will pick you up, people who will not let you fall, people who will hold your hand and continue to check in and make sure that what is happening is safe for you to go through. If I did not have my friends throughout this journey, it would be a harder process for me. Find your family (...
Why did you have to be so good at manipulating me. You flirted with me in class, you complimented my outfits when I thought no one cared. You told me you wanted to treat me right, and I'm the fool for beliving you? You told me we should go to the bar, so we did. I felt alive, I felt happy and you just wanted me to keep drinking so I did. You took me back to your place and honestly I don't even remember anything. I woke up and, I've got to give you credit, you were smart to say we had sex right away. It blindsighted me, I liked you so much I di...
To the multiple guys who have fucked me while I've been incredibly intoxicated and you've been sober; to the guys who go "just the tip" and keep pushing and pushing; to the guy, who after I said I didn't want to go another round, pushed me onto the bed and said it wasn't up to me anymore; to the guy who kept going when I was saying stop, who held a pillow over my face to hide my tears, who afterwards, looked me in the eyes and asked why I kept saying stop. All these men have made me feel like a stranger in my own body. I look in the mirror and...
I said this in my first part of the post but I knew nothing except what had happened to me. I was not equipped with information or understanding. I did not even know that there were more forms of rape then just with a penis, and women can rape men!
Education has become the number one way I have been able to faciliate healing. By learning for myself, (as there was no real pathway or help available) the ways I could help myself and the different forms of trauma. I did a lot of self analysis, got therapy and followed a pathway noone else shared...
This is a hard but honest one... I thought I would never enjoy sex again. But I have met a man that has shown me with trust this is no longer the case.
raped and sexually exploited in a cult, by a bishop.
After 10 years, while he had also occasionally sexually agressed other women, the organization received an official complaint by the daughter of a high ranking member, (so she was believed and acknolwdged - not like others before her)
Tell someone. Find someone you trust. It gets better it really does. It does take time. It took about 4 years for me to feel like me again and to be able to feel like a heavy burden was lifted off my chest, but it does get better!! I also feel therapy helped me leave my abuser!!
Never let someone else define your story. Don't back down from your truth. People fear what they don't understand or fathom and someone that hasn't been in your shoes isn't going to truly know where you've been until they've lived it. It's hard to offer advice but my one message of hope is that this does get better and the sun does shine on us again. You're not alone.
I was four years old. I was lead into the woods by him. I still remember it was fall. The leaves crunched beneath my feet as we walked. The woods seemed to hush themselves to silence as we stopped by an old rusted out car. I was four years old. He told me to put his penis in my mouth. I was four years old. I trusted him. I still remember the taste.
the story the actually got me to write mine put something here. her words changed me, gave me hope. so simple yet exactly what I needed to here. “healing means becoming a survivor. you are a victim until you decide to become a survivor and than you can heal”. if you’re reading this and you like me, dislike being called a survivor and feel like you’ll never give yourself that title. just remember we are in stage one and someday, maybe months, maybe years, we’d be able to become survivors and heal.
I have been married for 14 years. Within this last year I have come to realize that my marriage is not "normal". I was told early on, by my husband, that he was a narcissist. I quickly dismissed him and said he was nothing like that. Now... Idk. He is very controlling, but we have no sex life. I have to ask to be intimate and 99% of the time the answer is no. This is the confusing to me. I thought narcissist liked sex. As soon as we were married the sex stopped. I know I am in an unhealthy relationship, but I am just now realizing this. For 14...
Never give up having hope. Create and make happy memories every single day with those you love and trust. They are innocent and such a bigger part of your life.
I work really hard to crowd my mind, memories to snuff out that time in my young life. 51 yrs ago and I still try to work hard everyday.
I've come to terms with the truth of my past and learned not to be ashamed of how long it's taken me to deal with it. I've grieved the years lost and hope for the years to come. I know my life has been on hold but little by little I find my voice and my strength. And I find compassion for the times when it feels like I'm still facing backward. Bit by bit, stone by stone I'm recognizing my wholeness.
Married six times, still trying to repair relationships with my children, and never confident enough to succeed in my career. That's what living in fight or flight your entire life looks like. I can't remember large chunks of my childhood, I don't want to. Never having deep connections with anyone, including my own children. Searching and never finding. Hiding and none looking. Trying to fix everyone around me so I don't have to look inside my own broken soul. Avoiding, always running away when it gets too real. Afraid to look in the mirror, l...
It’s not your fault. Your bodily autonomy matters, because you matter. You are important.
WHEN POSSUM MET POODIE
THE DESTRUCTIVE FLIGHT OF place
I was in a mentally abusive relationship.
There, I’ve said it. No taking it back now! That’s the bravery I guess one needs to develop when taking to the written word. You can leave the copy in a draw, tear it up into microscopic pieces or even burn it in an act of cathartism , but once written, the words remain in the labyrinth of time forever and can never be unwritten.
So I was uh..you know what. It's not a big deal since my memory of it is all vague and blurry, but oftentimes when my friends and I have physical contact (like hugging,poking or patting eachother head,ect.), I feel a bit apprehensive and hesitant. I'd refuse everytime yet he still wanna beat me to it; it's not like he'd done anything wrong, I just afraid someday that his actions might be different or become more pervasive, I do really sucks at keeping boundaries, right?
I got out of this physically abusive relationship, and therapy helped me recognise that it was the emotional abuse from my parents that let me get suckered by him.
Therapy can help you identify patterns to change them while healing your thoughts and memories.
Healing. We all heal in different ways. It's been years, but I still think about it everyday. I keep track of how long its been. 1,886 days. I've spent everyday trying to forget about it and heal. In the past week or so I've made significant progress. I've finally been able to write about what happened. I've always stopped just before the actual assault took place. For about a year or so now, I've been dealing with nightmares caused by ptsd. In the last few months i've been able to talk about it with my mother and best friend. I've also been j...
You may feel alone but know that they're many who have gone through exactly what you have been through and can completely understand those emotions. Your story is valid and always will be.
Your story is enough for you to be powerful. You do not have to become an advocate for your story to mean something. You are enough just as you are.
Time is the only healer in reality, but sharing your story with whoever you need to is super important. Let your feeling be validated, seek empathy from loved ones and not sympathy.
Don’t blame yourself for things you couldn’t control. Don’t blame yourself for another harm against you. It wasn’t your fault. You are stronger then what they made you feel that day.
It all started in the spring of 2021. I was walking home from grabbing a coffee with my brother. After we parted ways infront of my student's home, I went to get a bag because I planned on going to a grocery store nearby. I had made it half the way there, when I was stopped by a man on a bike. He was quite a bit older than me and told me that he had been following me for about two hours, which means that he also saw me entering my building. He insisted I gave him my number. I told him that his advances were inappropriate (if he really had to...
Things get better. If you asked me ten years ago what I wanted from life I would have told you I wanted to die. I remember cutting my wrists so deep just to feel. I remember driving and praying somebody would just hit me and kill me. At the time I thought I was too coward to kill myself. Looking back; I think young me knew I still had some fight left to give. Now ten years later I sit here and type my story with a new appreciation for it. There is no more shame. I hate what happened to me but I am a strong woman from it. I have a career helpin...
How can I forgive my father, now deceased, for molesting me?
I understand how people feel, and it is okay to feel anger towards that person who had stolen your childhood. I never forgave my father, and you also don't have to.
I have been happy that my father, the molester, is dead, and now he can't abuse any more children. Look around at the innocent faces of my siblings, nephew, and nieces whose childhood has been saved and rejoice in it. The past we dream of is lost, but we still hold the key to our bright and happy future.
Healing to me is being free of PTSD. What happened will never go away, but being able to live with it without it taking over your body. Your thoughts, body aches, fatigue, flashbacks. I want to be free of the flashbacks. I want to feel safe in my own home again.
I want to feel free. I don't want to feel his hands on me, or smell something that reminds me of that night. It's like I can't escape it. But I want to. So bad, I want to heal and be able to use it to help girls like me.
They can steal our bodies. They can try to take what will never be theirs. But they cannot and will not EVER break our spirit. Know that your healing is within YOUR control and you have all that you need within you to take your power back.
You are not alone.
Healing is....Healing is accepting the pain and scars left behind from events that caused trauma. Healing is moving onto the future, no matter how unbelievably difficult it can be to let go of the past. I struggle with this myself, Healing is accepting that justice can be delivered, but also knowing that it may never come.
I was 5. He was 15-16. He was my cousin. In the summer i went to his familys house in another state, we were playing outside when he said he wanted to show me something, he took me into his moms closet and took me to take my pants and underwear off so he could see. My parents hadnt given me any talk about private parts as it was “taboo.” So i did and he took his pants down, he got closer and started to touch me. His mom came in because it had been a bit and saw him. She told me to pull my pants up and then they continued on with their day. I d...
Healing means taking back my sexuality. I didn’t have sex again for over a year after he raped me. My whole first year of college was spent hiding my body and feeling sick at the thought of physical intimacy.
I am workworking through the healing process. It means moment by moment not hollaring out or speaking out in rage.
It involves attempting to calm the memories as they flood in after years of not speaking out.
The goal is to allow myself to eventually cry and not hate... To at least get to a place where I can speak without the rave and anger.
This act that was done to you is your story, don't let anyone make you feel ashamed for it. Stand tall and know that this part of your story is only a small part of you it does not define you. There is hope and recovery, you are important, choose to love you!
i cant really remember when it all "started" i was 6 or 7 i believe it lasted until i was 8 but he was still doing creepy shit until i was 9 or 10 one night he asked me what sex was im not sure what i said but i think i kinda knew what it was but didnt really know he asked to have sex i didnt know what to do i think i "contented" this time i was anxious the entire time i wanted him to stop i would tell him to quit and that i hear someone and he wouldnt stop after that it continued i dont remember the order or anything it happened i dont rememb...