#45

We danced at a bar, I wasn't sure about him but I gave him my number. After the bar I was at a friends party and he asked me where I was; I told him that I wouldn't say but if he found me I would dance with him. He came and danced for a bit, I was drinking and when he pulled me upstairs from the basement where the party was I thought he wanted to chat away from the music. Until he pulled me outside into the snow. I didnt have my shoes and I was cold so when he directed me to the car I got in to at least relieve my cold feet. He started driving and I told him I didn't want to do anything with him, I was tired and wanted to go home. He said I could stay over and it would be fine. I believed him and I went in his room. When he started kissing me I went along with it thinking of course it's expected I at least do that. But as things progressed I told him I just wanted to sleep. He is a proffesional body builder and athlete so when he pinned me down fighting was useless. He raped me anally first and my screams were so loud I thought that his neighbors in the duplex must hear but I also knew they were fellow basketball players at the university and boys will be boys. After that I just stayed limp as he continued using my body, even at one point giving himself a hand job, my hand nothing but a sock or something to wrap around. I had to beg him for a ride home after because I couldnt walk, my phone was dead and I didn't want to call anyone even if it wasn't. I didn't want to have to explain why I was there or what happened. Even through the echos of my screams and after the blood that wouldn't stop, I could hear the blame, that I went along with all these things leading up to it, what did I think would happen? The next time I saw him was at a smaller get-together for a birthday, no one knew what happened to me, I had not told my friends yett. When he came over I was literally in a corner. He introduced himself to all my friends, and then introduced himself to me. As if he had no idea who I was. As if he was not too drunk that night to drive but was too drunk to remember what he did to me.