My Story

7 years goes by in a blink of an eye.. 7 years of silence and self-blame. 7 years of feeling impure and out of place. My story of sexual assault started 7 years ago, I was 16 years old. I thought it was a good idea to go out with some friends to a party. Without knowing my alcohol tolerance, without realizing anything, I blacked out after a couple sips. Thinking back, I am almost positive someone may have drugged my drink.. I mean, how could I have blacked out after just a couple of sips? However, my girlfriends cleaned me up and put my guy friends shirt on me and carried me into the car while they went back in to clean up. I remember it was freezing outside as it was a winter season. After blacking out I’ve woken up a few times alone and cold in the car wondering where everyone has gone. Of course just before knocking out again someone comes into the car. I could hear the car door sliding open and close because the car was a van. I remember the sound of how a car door slide because my mom also owned a van. They all sound the same. I was too weak to move or say anything. I saw a masculine shadow coming towards me right before I knocked out. A few moments later I could feel my body telling me I need to wake up. As soon as I open my eyes I felt this entity on top of me doing exactly what I knew he was doing. Raping me. I was shocked, scared, and again freezing. I tried pushing him off. I then prayed. Being so intoxicated I knocked out again. How stupid of me. Another few moments goes by I wake up again to him whispering to me “you know you like that”. Soon after he whispered that I heard my friends laughing and walking towards the car. This scared the hell out of my rapist that he quickly put my panty back on, buckled his pants and whispered “they’re coming” and ran out of the car. I truly believe I was drugged because I knocked out again. Ugh, how foolish am I. I was not educated enough to know that these things happen so often. More than I can imagine. I only hope that I continue to forgive myself for what had happen. 7 years go by and I’m more educated than ever about these things. I hope the trauma my rapist caused me will forever haunt him til eternity.