#459

I was 6 when it all started, my abuser was my cousin. I had problems at home and I was always a black sheep, one day while we were playing he said he wanted to play a different game. As you know it sometimes starts with the “family” game. Everything was okay for a while until he started showing me pornography of men and women. I wasn’t such an innocent child where I didn’t know anything , of course I knew what it was, but I never had any intentions to do something. He showed me his private parts and told me to touch him. I said no countless of times but he kept telling me, he would hit me and give me bruises, no one would be home so I couldn’t get help. After that he kept touching me, he made me do things I never ever want to again. It started as touching until he started raping me. I tried and tried to push him off, but he just kept going, his brother (my older cousin) would also try to get me to touch his private area, when I would try to scream and get help, they would drag me by my feet and arms and lock me in a dark room. I was always scared to say anything to snyone for I had no one, I already had problems, I thought no one was going to believe me. I finally came out like a year ago about him assaulting me, but memories came back and I realized he raped me, I’ve told a few people. I still hate him with every bone in my body. I can’t stand to see him, I can still feel his touch and it disgusts me. I’ve grown though to accept the terms. I have to be in peace in order to be happy with not only myself but with everyone else. My heart goes to anyone who has gone through this or something different. You’re all strong and keep fighting.