Okay, so I think I should tell the story of when my molestation turned into something worse. I am not really sure if my situation was truly so bad, or if I am exaggerating about that night. When I was little, about 8 I had a crush on this boy in my neighborhood, and he had a crush on me. He was older, but everything was so sweet and kind, he gave me flowers and sweet gifts and I would listen to him while he talked about his family. This made another girl in the neighborhood extremely jealous, so one day she began molesting me. She put her mouth on mine and acted like we were kissing and rubbed my body with her hands, and told me that if I said anything she'd hurt me. One night she stayed the night, and we both slept in my room. I felt really awkward about sleeping in the same bed with her, but eventually I figured she wouldn't do anything with my parents room so close, and I started to drift off. I woke up to her threatening me in my ear, and pressing me into the bed by my chest at first, then by grabbing my throat when I started to cry. She kissed my neck and groped my body all the way down. She put her fingers in me and grabbed me hard, my thighs hurt and she pushed my belly in so hard it hurt and I wouldn't stop whimpering. She rolled back over on her side and I think I just, cried. I don't remember after, I've only just remembered this night. Afterwards I became kind of hypersexual, reading smut online, watching inappropriate content and I began to masterbate by rubbing my private parts on furniture. I would think "my vagina feels sweet when I do this." And I remember feeling like a giant whore. Now I am, just... afraid and scared, but I have abstained from sex and relationships for years because I am deeply afraid, and I am trying to shed my shame. Thank you for your time