Letter to my "friend"
I am a survivor of sexual assault I was 14 and i had on a white shirt and light washed jeans, he was my “friend” I was at school it was a rally day and lunch was longer was at school and he had invited me to lunch. He was older than me had a car we had been friends for years before that. I started to notice he was going the wrong direction and had parked the car in an abandoned place. Then i remember feeling his hand touch my thigh as it kept going up. He said “callate tu me provocas” i told him to stop and he put his hand around my mouth to shut me up. I felt disgusted and couldn't believe my own "friend" would do that. I felt guilty that my mom would be mad at me for getting in the car with a guy who I thought was my friend. He would tell me If I told people no one would believe me, he then dropped me off at school like nothing had happened. I was late to class, I couldn't walk and I was shaking I went straight to the bathroom and cried. Wanted to rip my skin off and I was scared he would come back, Once I was going to class I ran into one of my friends they asked if I was fine because they saw me shaking. I wanted to tell them that I wasn't but I just kept hearing his voice in my head "Nadien te va creer" I spent the rest of the day hiding from him, he had texted me on instagram and I remember blocking him. A couple days later one of his friends saw me and laughed, I did everything to try to avoid him I was scared and paranoid. He then came up to me and asked why I had blocked him I couldn't speak words just didn't come out of my mouth. I started to skip class and hide in the bathrooms, I stopped eating and wouldn't go out to lunch with my friends and I would just say I wasn't hungry. My cousin then started to question why I wouldn't go out with them I told her and she hugged me and would help me hide whenever he was around. I then told one of my other friends but they just brushed it off and giggled. I had a last period class where they would help us with our homework, his friends and him were in this class with me. I stopped showing up for a while, I then asked the teacher if I could work on my hw in the backroom. He had control over me I had trouble with future relationships, started to have trouble at home and at school. I wouldn't let anyone touch me, I lost friends and started to cover up more. I then understood why growing up I would always get told to cover up. But I was just wearing a simple white shirt and jeans. I still question myself and don't let many people in. I still get scared that I'll see him again, during this process I learned to deal with my own problems because no one really cared is what I would tell myself. That there were bigger issues going on in the world is what he made me believed. It's a process which you learn to heal everyday no matter how long it's been. But we are not alone and will not be silenced any longer. And to my "friend" you no longer have control over me.